BARRY SANDERS BLOG
As anyone who has gone through divorce can tell you, the process of ending a marriage is difficult on everyone.
Both sides are constantly in a place of uncertainty since neither has any idea how the whole ordeal will play out, which is a very stressful position. Your spouse who has always been at your side is now the opponent, and that inevitably leads to serious conflict. Arguments are bound to come up more frequently, which leads to feelings of bitterness and resentment.
What is easy to forget during this emotional roller coaster when you are focusing on getting the best possible settlement once everything is done is how this process affects your kids. This is especially true when your children are young, and something I had to constantly think about when I went through my divorce.
As much stress as you and your spouse feel while going through divorce, your kids will be feeling an equal amount of pressure. It is you and your spouse’s responsibility FIRST AND FOREMOST to reduce the burden the divorce has on your children.
The biggest way you can achieve this goal is by avoiding conflict when your kids are present. Yes, arguments are inevitable. But you need to show restraint if your kids are around, even if they are in a different room.
Having your children witness fights between you and your soon-to-be ex will only serve to significantly increase the stress of transitioning to a divorced family.
Another important thing to understand is how trash talking your spouse to your kids affects them during and after the divorce.
You may not get along with your spouse. Heck, you may even flat out dislike him/her now. But that does not mean your children feel the same way. They will still love mom and dad just the same. Even seemingly innocent or offhand comments can create an internal struggle for them as they are trying to cope with the new situation. It is extremely harmful to impose your own feelings about your spouse on your children, especially if they are young.
You and your spouse must also reassure your kids that the divorce is not their fault. This may seem like a no-brainer to adults, but for a young child struggling to understand why mommy and daddy aren’t going to live together anymore, it is easy for them to place the blame on their own shoulders.
Finally, a good divorce lawyer, such as the attorneys of Cordell & Cordell, can help make all the difference in reducing the amount of conflict you and your spouse go through. This is very beneficial since the attorneys can play middleman during your negotiations, reducing the amount of face-to-face confrontations between you and your spouse.
Obviously, divorce is a difficult transition full of negativity for everyone involved, which unfortunately includes your innocent children. It is your responsibility as parents to do everything you can to shield your kids from the conflict in divorce to decrease the stress they feel from this process and improve their transition to the new family structure.